brianrayfiction.com Blog

At a birthday party, a friend handed me the latest in paranormal classics. You’ve heard of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. You’ve heard of Emma The Vampyre Slayer. Now get a load of Mr. Darcy, Vampyre:

More vampires. Sourcebooks Landmark announced a major new release by the popular author of Mr. Darcy’s Diary, Amanda Grange entitled Mr. Darcy, Vampyre, available August 11th. It is a continuation of Pride and Prejudice after the wedding, and may explain some of Mr. Darcy’s cold and distant noble mien in the original novel.

Revamping the classics is all fine and good. But I predict the next big wave in publishing will take us all by surprise. So far authors have taken conventional, even mundane characters and given them a supernatural thrust. Consider instead if we take exciting characters and dull them down a bit. Or a lot. Batman needs to stop fighting crime and spend 24-hours walking aimlessly around Gotham. Like this:

Solemnly The Joker came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding country and the awaking mountains. Then, catching sight of Batman, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Batman, displeased and sleepy, leaned his arms on the top of the staircase and looked coldly at the shaking gurgling face that blessed him, equine in its length, and at the light untonsured hair, grained and hued like pale oak.

The Joker peeped an instant under the mirror and then covered the bowl smartly.

–Back to the batcave?, he said sternly.

He added in a preacher’s tone:

–For this, O dearly beloved, is the genuine Christine: body and soul and blood and ouns. Slow music, please. Shut your eyes, gents. One moment. A little trouble about those white corpuscles. Silence, all.

He peered sideways up and gave a long low whistle of call, then paused awhile in rapt attention, his even white teeth glistening here and there with gold points. Chrysostomos. Two strong shrill whistles answered through the calm.

–Thanks, old chap, he cried briskly. That will do nicely. Switch off the current, will you?

Perhaps Achilles doesn’t battle Hector. Instead they square off in a round of subtle satiric comments and insults that nobody could understand without thorough knowledge of Ancient Greek culture. Perhaps they can also spend a great deal of time thinking about the meaning of language and trying to come to terms without their childhoods.

Odysseus should give up on trying to find his way home. He should abandon his crew and spend a year isolated on an island, reflecting on the purpose of civilization and, well, coming to terms with his childhood.

Tomorrow I read from my novel, Through the Pale Door, in Spartanburg. Hoping for a big crowd.

The publishing geniuses have done it again. Cengage, a major textbook publisher, will offer their textbooks for rental this fall semester at selection schools. It works like this: you pay about half the cost of the book up front. They send you the book. You keep the book for the semester. If you don’t want the thing, then you mail it back or drop it off. In other words, you do exactly the same thing as if you bought the book at full price and sold it back. The only difference is that the unwanted text doesn’t fall into used-book market.

I guess professors are getting tired of writing second and third editions of their textbooks – which has been a longtime countermeasure against buyback season.

Maybe this is a good idea. On the other hand, I can’t help but think the publishing industries have something up their sleeve here. But maybe not. Maybe the publishing world is finally catching up to the Twentieth century, albeit a decade late. You can rent everything now.

And there’s news that the recession is over. I think we should do everything in our power to get our hopes up and jinx a possible recovery. I haven’t had to chop down any of my furniture yet and use it for firewood. I was so looking forward to doing that. For real. I was all set to start sewing ugly patches on the ass and knees of my pants, making soup out of my own hair, etc.

I’m moved into my new apartment. Has a bigger kitchen and an extra room. What else? Think I’ve finished the new mss I’ve slaved away on for nine months. We’ll see how the agent hunt proceeds. The last few days have been quite painfully full of line editing. Revision is fun when we’re talking forty pages. At 200 or more, revision becomes a very ugly obsessive thing. I look forward to spending a couple of hours away from my apartment – or at least away from my screen.

The book tour starts up again soon. I read in Spartanburg this coming Monday. A week later I’ll be in Greenville. Check my website for more info – and do consider picking up a copy.

In an exclusive online interview this afternoon, popular vampire novelist Stephanie Meyer broke down and confessed to Brian Ray, author of Through the Pale Door, that she indeed lifted ideas from the Internet as well as American culture in general – and maybe even common knowledge. Read further for a transcript of the interview, in which Meyer professes her deepest apologies and other feelings to The Nocturne author, Jordan Scott.

Brian Ray: Thanks for agreeing to conduct this interview via satellite phone, or whatever this thing is. [calls out to IT manager] Is it a satellite phone?

[tech manager mumbles something inaudible]

Stephanie Meyer: It doesn’t matter. My career’s over, as if all the blood has been siphoned from its warm, lithe body. But I’m glad to have this huge burden lifted from my shoulders, whether my medium of confession is satellite or regular land line. I no longer have to be Adonis, or Atlas. I get them confused. The question is what the hell I’ll do now. Maybe go into teaching.

BR: So why did you decide to wait until your fourth book, Breaking Dawn, to plagiarize? And why this Jordan Scott girl? I haven’t read her work or yours. Is Scott really that good?

SM: To tell you the honest truth, I’ve been stealing ideas since book one. [Meyer sighs] I mean, vampires? Braham Stoker, those ancient folktales from Bulgaria or wherever? Um, hello? I’m surprised people didn’t peg me for a hack sooner. I didn’t even ask who had the copyright on vampires, I was so desperate to make money. So foolishly stupid of me. I am swathed in regret.

BR: How did the monster of plagiarism grow inside you?

SM: It seduced me like a charming gentlemen of the night, idea-theft did. Ideas are children of the dawn, and I am the evil princess of infringement. It had been a forbidden love between me and plagiarism. And, well, once I took vampires, why stop there? It felt so delicious. Wedding scenes, romantic trysts on beaches. Those obviously weren’t my ideas. But I wanted them so badly. And this voice in my dark heart kept saying, Take them, Stephanie. Take them. You know, I’m such a hack. If it hadn’t been for my reading that Jordan Scott stuff on the Internet, I wouldn’t have even known vampires transform.

BR: You didn’t know that vampires transform?

SM: What did I think, who knows? Maybe they walked around all day with their fangs hanging out, hissing at people on the subway, on buses, the sidewalk. You have to admit, it would’ve made no sense the way I planned to write the story myself. There’s no mystery in vampires who don’t morph and aren’t at least slightly nocturnal. And as far as the classic horror movies go, and Hammer Horror, I just never put two and two together. Look, there’s a bat. Wait, there’s a man. I never thought to connect the two forms. For me, it was just a coincidence. Or bad editing.

BR: How did you discover the work of Jordan Scott?

SM: My kids had always been huge into vampire romance stuff. But they didn’t enjoy, you know, real books. They liked to read fan fiction and self-published works online. It’s more genuine, when you think about it. The online work hasn’t been run through the editing process and vetted of its juicy originality. But, like any parent, I got concerned when they started telling me some of this stuff at the dinner table. And they began eating their food strangely. I remember my oldest tried to suck the guts out of his baked potato and that night I said, “Enough, I have to know what’s going on with these vampire things!” So for a week or two I monitored their activities on the computer. But slowly and surely I was drawn into their secret quasi-pornographic worlds. Finally, I was making them go play outside while I stayed on the computer, drowning in yummy erotic horror. Ah, the hypertext of horror.

BR: Just for the record, you stole a lot of words from various authors over the Internet. Yes?

SM: Yes! I feel so bad! You know that Shakespeare, he was a true writer. Invented a lot of words and phrases. But me? Hell, no. I just went with the mundane. In fact when I got stuck I wouldn’t use my brain at all. I would just have one of my kids look up online vampire fiction, sometimes Danielle Steele, and we’d just plug it right in. I also used a software program to outline the plots of my novels. The software is called, Write Your Paranormal Romance in just 90 Days!. More shame. Oh, the lurid, dark, shadowy shame of my bizarre life journey.

BR: You recently received a “cease and desist” order from Scott’s lawyers. What are your plans?

SM: My publisher is telling me to tough this one out, that we’ll win. But my thoughts couldn’t be more diametrically opposed. Desist? Why, of course! Immediately. In fact, a couple nights ago I even printed out a hundred labels and stickers on my home computer that said, “I’m a cheater! Don’t buy my book!” I drove straight to the local Barnes & Noble and started slapping them on a stack of my hard covers that are displayed prominently in the front. Of course, it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped. When people saw me, they grabbed books and foisted them at me, begging for autographs. I spoke candidly, though. I said, “Why would you want my book? I’m just a thief. Where is Jordan Scott’s book? Where is it? You should buy that book instead!” I started knocking books out of people’s hands as they lifted them from the tables and shelves. I think I even punched a fourteen-year-girl in the kidney.

BR: Why?

SM: Because she wouldn’t shut up about how much she loved that Edward Cullen. He was plagiarized too, I’m sad to say. He’s just Brad Pitt on paper.

BR: What about rumors that Jordan Scott is your secret, illegitimate daughter and offspring of your love affair with Neil Gaiman?

SM: [shrugs] Who knows? I’d believe anything at this point.

BR: Will you sign this for me? I’m going to try and sell it on ebay. [produces copy of One Hundred Years of Solitude].

SM: [squints] But I didn’t write that.

BR: I know. But I figured you’re so good at plagiarism, you might have a knack for forging signatures too.

SM: Sorry, my life of crime is over.

BR: And so is this interview.

According to headlines, a young novelist plans to sue Stephanie Meyer for copyright infringement. The author, Jordan Scott, says that the book she wrote, The Nocturne, provides a lot of the source material for Meyer’s fourth title, Breaking Dawn. From NY Times:

Her lawyer, J. Craig Williams, told Reuters that it contains situations that are similar to those in “Breaking Dawn,” the fourth in Ms. Meyer’s series, which has sold more than 70 million copies worldwide and spawned a film franchise. In a cease-and-desist letter sent to Ms. Meyer’s publisher, Hachette Book Group, Mr. Williams drew comparisons between scenes involving a wedding, a tryst on a beach and a description of the transformation from human to vampire. He added that characters in both books called their wives “love.”

But wait a minute. Not only could this be baseless, let’s remember that readers reviled Breaking Dawn and many fans demanded their money back right around the time of its publication last year. As one high schooler said, “I hated that book so much I ripped out the pages one by one and threw them into the fireplace, sobbing as I listened to Evanescence over and over.” So, Jordan Scott, slow down and think through your accusations. You’re essentially saying that the worst book in the series stole from your novel. Even if this is a hoax to market yourself, better ways exist. For example, you could claim to be Meyer’s illegitimate daughter conceived during some spring fling at Brigham Young. Note the stunning resemblance.

And now to come right out with it. Frankly, I’m starting to wonder if both Meyer and Scott didn’t rip off a short story that I wrote in middle school about two teens who are vampires. They work at a resort on Myrtle Beach, renting jet skis, and call each other “Honey pie,” which is pretty close to “Love.”

First, an apology for my lag in posts. Rocky Mountains kept me busy, then a big delay on the return flight, sickness, upcoming apartment move, etc, has kept me away from the computer. Now let’s hope this makes it up. A big story from Publishers Weekly mentions the rise of the erotic bedtime stories as offering an alternative to the paranormal romance stuff that’s flooding airwaves and bookshelves.

Vamps are in for some stiff competition from not just the usual demons and werewolves but erotic interpretations of fairy tales. In 2006, readers connected with a short story collection of grown-up fairy tales, Enchanted: Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women, from Harlequin Spice author Nancy Madore, and equally embraced her 2008 follow-up reinterpreting nursery rhymes, Enchanted Again: More Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women…

This leaves me wondering why there can’t be erotic bedtime stories for men. Maybe guys don’t read erotic lit because we gravitate toward porn. In any case, it’s worth exploring. Of course, we’ll have to be careful – considering the age of most fairy tale heroines. Take Goldie Locks and the Three Bears. That needs a fair bit of revision to avoid possible bestiality and pedophilia. Goldie needs at least ten years, and let’s make the bears Hell’s Angels. What happens from there is up to you.

But what does this one St. Martin’s editor mean when she says that, “The numbers tell us that readers want extremely sexy books that push the erotic envelope with no holds barred…” Making extremely sexy books is a tall order, especially as the number of available tales dwindles and the market saturates with paranormal erotic. Again, I think of Goldie Locks:

“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed,” said the smoking hot mother bear, as she caressed the impression left on her mattress by a young woman of about 20 years. “And I can’t help but wish whoever was here still were sleeping in my bed.”

“And someone’s been sleeping my bed, too,” said the strong young adult male bear whose name was Edward Collins. “Wait, she still is…”

Goldie Locks woke up, holding the soft down quilt across her breasts. She touched Edward’s arm as she yawned. “I’m so sorry I slept in ya’lls bed.” She looked down and giggled. “But it looks like I’ve spilled porridge all over myself somehow. You know, if I were you, I’d give me a spankin’.”

So Nabokov’s wife and son never burned the draft of his last novel, like he asked them to. (Do they ever?) Now it’s going to be published. Here’s a little preview from PW:

Mostly, this amounts to a peek inside the author’s process and mindset as he neared death. Indeed, mortality, suicide, impotence, a disgust with the male human body—and an appreciation of the fit, young female body—figure prominently.

The preview generally says this manuscript barely resembles a novel and that a valid reason exists for N. wanting it burned. In fact, I imagine N. will rise from his grave to kill off those involved in its publication – like some kind of mummy movie. Pedophilia, if you’re wondering, does make a brief appearance in this book.

In other news, PW is up for sale. Anyone interested?

Latest news on the street. There’s going to be a Pride and Prejudice and Zombies graphic novel. (Also keep an eye out for Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.) Here’s what Publishers Weekly says:

The Graphic Novel will be adapted by Tony Lee, a veteran comics writer who has worked on X-Men, Spider-Man and other comics series, and artist Cliff Richards, who has worked on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics series. The deal was announced at the San Diego Comic-Con International and was negotiated by Mutzumi Miyazaki, Del Rey director of licensing and acquisitions, with Marsha Armitage-Bristow, executive v-p of licensing at Dimensional Branding Group, and Jessica Schmidt, director of sales for Quirk Books.

This horror-classics blend is really starting to take off. Maybe I should try to get in at the ground level of this bubble before it bursts. For I predict that by 2015 we’ll see nearly all of Jane Austen’s novels retold with the addition of gruesome creatures. They’ll begin to appear on summer reading lists across the country, and Victorian lit scholars will no doubt throw a few of these page-turners onto their syllabi in order to pump up their students for what’s otherwise – at least for them – dull stuff. What’s next? Perhaps Bleak House in Space. Anyway, I’m calling dibs on Emma, because I’ve just heard the muse whispering in my ear. I envision that this Emma will not only try to match-make among humans but also various night walkers. Harriet Smith will be re-cast as a recovering vampire who must learn proper etiquette and courtship protocol in order to wed the wealthy Mr. Elton. The new opening chapter will begin with Emma saving Elton’s life from the un-mannered Harriet, who’s initial idea of flirtation involves, of course, blood sucking. If Harriet can’t learn a more ladylike way of charming her suitors, of course, Emma will have to slay her. A short preview:

The real evils, indeed, of Emma’s situation, much more evil than Harriet’s recent transformation, were the power of having rather too much her own way, and a disposition to think a little too well of herself: these were the disadvantages which threatened alloy to her many enjoyments. The danger, however, had been so unperceived, that she had barely noticed. She had always wondered why Harriet slept all day and was never in her bed at night, and why she now avoided sunlight. The first error, and the worst, now lay at her door – or beneath the table, was more like it, her dress bloodied. It had been foolish, it had been wrong, to take so active a part in bringing any two people together without at least considering the possibility that Harriet belonged to the world of the undead. It was adventuring too far, assuming too much, making light of what ought to be serious—a trick of what ought to be simple. She was quite concerned and ashamed, as she looked at the writhing, fanged Harriet now chained and shackled to the table leg. She resolved to do such things no more, unless, of course, this vampiress could somehow be schooled in the art of manner and conversation. Yes, that was it, indeed, Emma thought, and scurried off to fetch her conduct books.

Been one helluva weekend between belly dancing shows, Rocky Horror, and a drive through Sumter to find some inspiration for final revisions on the novel-in-progress, which I hope to more or less wrap up before heading to the Rockies. (We’ll see how that goes.)

The current novel was last week’s bestseller for Hub City. I hope copies keep moving. By the way, if you’ve enjoyed the book you might write a sentence or two on Amazon. This tends to help.

New story on Burton’s upcoming Alice and Wonderland makes me wish it were coming out this Christmas and not next March. (Having just finished final revisions on an essay about Burton coming out in a collection from Utah State U. Press, I wouldn’t mind looking at that script.) Oh, well. At least I’ll get to tour the new online gallery on Burton’s website – albeit with creepy Stainboy. Must admit, it’s not unlike walking through Edgewood’s prison studio in my book.

Meanwhile, I’m set to read at Fiction Addiction’s author lunch series on Oct 2. Should be fun. Plus, new video and podcast up on Atlanta Forum.

Now for a surprise. Big chain retailers like Target are actually known to boost new, indie-ish writers into the spotlight. Take this excerpt from a recent NY Times article:

Indeed, the book, by the first-time novelist Tatiana de Rosnay, was well on its way to sinking out of sight last fall when Target, the discount retailer, chose the paperback version of “Sarah’s Key” as its Bookmarked Club Pick: a choice for a program that designates titles for prominent display throughout the chain’s stores. Suddenly sales exploded…Target “can sell hundreds of thousands of copies of a book that is virtually unknown in the rest of the marketplace,” said Jacqueline Updike, director of adult sales at Random House, one of the world’s largest publishers…By assembling a collection of books by unheralded authors, Target behaves more like an independent bookstore than like a mere retailer of mainstream must-haves (although, of course, Target sells its share of best-seller list regulars, like James Patterson and Janet Evanovich).

de Rosnay went from a few thousand copies sold to nearly 200,000 between hardback and paperback versions. Thanks, Target. If you’re out there.

Hate to say it, but this dude was asking for trouble:

A Florida man has been sued by DC Comics for selling figurines that resemble Batman characters — though he says they’re meant to portray actors from the 1960s “Batman” television series. In a lawsuit filed in federal court in Tampa, DC Comics accuses John Stacks of committing copyright and trademark infringement, among other violations, with his resin composite figurines. The characters in question include Batman, Robin, Catwoman, the Joker, Batgirl, the Penguin, the Riddler, Egghead and King Tut.

Read the full story from the AJC here.

Now the question for me is this. How much did this guy make off these less-than-impressive looking toys? I could buy, like, a real batman action figure on Ebay for around five bucks. In fact, I wouldn’t buy Mr. Stacks’ figures for my worst enemies. I wouldn’t even try to hide them in happy meals or stuff them inside cracker-jacks boxes. I’ll bet you could make more money off selling the resin these things are made from. DC must simply enjoy making this man’s life miserable. To be fair, of course, they did send Stacks a letter asking him to stop marketing these knockoffs. So did Warner Bros, who also owns rights to Batman. Here’s an excerpt:

Dear John Stacks,

I’m going to kick your f*&king ass. I want these f@^king little toys off this market, you prick! I mean, what don’t you f&^*king understand about copyright laws? Don’t just be sorry. Think, for one f^uc@ing second. Seriously. What. Are. You. Doing! Do you have any f&#*ing idea about, hey, it’s dishonest and illegal to go around like “la-la-la-la-la, hey, I’m a huge jerk who makes cheap Batman figurines out of home-made plastic, and I don’t give a crap about intellectual property.”

You want me to trash your resin molds? Huh? You want me to f*&^king trash ‘em!? Then why the f&*^k are you trashing my image with your dinky little collector’s items? Good God, man, you’re amateur. Look, just stay off our turf. You can make little figurines of Harry Potter or that vampire show, or movie, or whatever it is. Stay away from Batman. That’s my scene.

None of us can work properly with you contaminating our PR. Yeah, that’s right. You don’t understand what it’s like working with super heroes or actors or lawyers, do you? DO. YOU?

Seriously, dude. Just stop making the figures. We’re the ones making the figures. Yeah, man, like seven figures. As in seven-figure salaries. What you need to do is stop making the figures.

Christian Bailout
Warner Bros, Inc